So Long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, good night....

The Nebraska Supreme Court has ruled you "cruel and unusual punishment". But don't worry, we're still tight. I believe Te-has is the only state in which you still reside. Bust.

So long Sparky. Here's to hoping they don't chop you up for firewood...

Is it sad that...

...my day peaked at 8:45 this morning?

Allow me to elaborate. I live on a street that has a nice curve to it. It was foggy/drizzle-y last night. Now, you may think that the previous 2 sentences do not belong together. But....drizzle-y weather and temps around the freezing point make for a very slick side street. This situation gets even better when said side street is curvy. I spent about 15 minutes this morning watching boneheads go too fast down my street. I watched as the tires locked up on sedans, coupes and trucks. I watched as car after car slid into the curb, into my neighbors yards, knocked down trash cans, demolished mailboxes and almost hit one another. It was amazing. I laughed until my face hurt, until my stomach ached, and until I ran out of coffee and decided it was time to get ready for school. It was the best morning I've had in awhile.

Its a little foggy and drizzle-y again tonight, and temps are about the same as yesterday. You better believe that when my alarm goes off tomorrow morning my ass will be parked in front of my bay window. I will be in my bathrobe...coffee in hand; hoping and praying to see a similar show.

Hoping my mailbox is lucky enough to be missed again tomorrow,

Lou

Dear left boob,

I am sorry I put you in harm's way yesterday afternoon. I sincerely regret having you accidentally gouged while on the job. Believe me when I say that I would never have tried to lift that heavy set wall had I known the pain that would ensue. I promise to never again come that close to the ginormous screw that emerges from the side of said set wall. I winced in pain when I saw the big purple bruise that now adorns you after yesterdays mishap. This is technically my first "chest wound", which unfortunately, had to involve you. So, once again, sorry for the bruised cleave. Here's to a quick recovery!

Get well soon!

Lou

Dear Winter:

Please go away and leave me be. I am tired of your grey skies, sub-zero temps and frozen precipitation. The hems of my jeans are constantly cold and/or wet, and I am extrememly tired of bundling up like an eskimo every time a step outside. I hate that you tease me with a 50 degree day thats cloudy, then an 8 degree day with sun. Make up your mind, don't play with my emotions, its not very nice. I am thinking about not inviting you back next year. Summer, I am longing for warmer temps and sunshine, and my flip flops are more than eager to come out of hybernation. Hurry, please!

without hope or agenda,

Linsey

Oh g-ma....

This weekend was fun. Mom and G-ma came to visit...some of the highlights...

2 great lunches
driving G-ma's new car, and trying to teach her what all the buttons do
Spice shopping at Penzey's
buying a new coffee mug at World Market
Mom getting pink hair

It really was a decent weekend....and I didn't get the obligatory guilt trip from grams....bonus.

For Christmas, Grandma gave me a book of my great g-ma's poems. Possibly the best gift she's ever given me. So much better than ugly slippers and itchy wool sweaters. Here's the one that grandma Melba wrote about me in 1982:

Linsey is a lollipop girl,
These sweets are hard to find
Quicksilver are her dancing feet,
Flitting butterflies, her mind.

Liquid joy, her lilting laughter,
Brown eyes full of sweet surprise.
Grown-ups find her captivating,
Little Linsey is a prize.

When our hearts are sad and weary
And our days are long and blue,
We'll just think of our sweet Linsey
And the smiles will lollipop through.

like, omg! you know?

I mourn for this nation's youth. I am in complete and udder shock sometimes at the absolute bullshit that spews from their mouths when they think they are trying to have an adult conversation. Not only is their speech atrocious and their line of thinking completely self centered; they have no idea about the world which surrounds them. They are completely unable to carry on an intelligent conversation, or, ANY conversation for that matter, without using the following:

like
you know?
i mean...
oh my god

For instance...here's a short excerpt from a "conversation" (if you can call it that) I had today with a particularly child-like acquaintance of mine from school.

Her: "I like Europe. It's not like, shitty. Like it is over here, you know?"
Me: "I have to go to the bathroom."

I did, in fact, have to make use of the loo. Even if I had not needed to, however, I still would have gotten up and physically left this conversation. I could cut her down to shreds and ramble on about her lack of intelligence, but I will not. I think that most of you get my gist.

I will add one more thing. She smells bad too. Sorry, that was a little petty of me. But for reals yo, homegirl needs to wash her shit cuz it be stankin.

To the girl I smacked with the door today:

Me: Exiting the auditorium in EAB
You: Walking in the hallway outside, in close (very close) proximity to the door from which I was making said exit.

You are an idiot. I said I was sorry, but really I'm not. It was the best laugh I had all day to be perfectly honest. The door (which is somewhat camouflaged) swings out to open. I actually didn't smack you with it. I opened it and watched you run right into the effing thing. You were too busy talking or texting to notice the 6 ft x 3 ft wooden wall that suddenly appeared 12 inches from your face. I suppose I could have saved you from your obvious embarrassment, but I truly don't think there was time. I laughed at you, your friend laughed at you, and I believe that you laughed at yourself. I'm pretty sure that the only thing hurt was your self confidence. Either way, it was absolutely hilarious.

Thanks for the giggles,

Lou

Dear Nevada, Utah and Arizona,

I can't wait to see you. Nevada and Arizona.....its been awhile my friends. I am finally giving in to your begging, "Come visit me! I never get to see you!" Ok, ok! I'll be there in May! Utah, you are new. I have not had the pleasure of meeting you before, but I hear that you have much in store for me. And when I say "much in store" I do NOT mean another husband and a few "sister wives". In fact, I think I would make a terrible mormon, so don't try to convert me whilst I am there. At least as a Christian I can have stimulants and booze. Yay Jebus!

Anyways.....I can't wait to see the three of you. Get ready, because Kathy and I are gonna tear shit up. You might have to spend a few days cleaning up after we leave. Make sure that the following are in tip top shape for us:

Zion National Park

Lake Powell

Grand Canyon

Flagstaff/Sedona
The Strip

Oh, and can you make sure the weather is nice for us? Sunshine would be nice for all the hiking/biking/boating/rafting/driving/hanging out we are gonna do. Thanks in advance.

Planning on overstaying our welcome already,

Lou

Update!

To the man who carries the dog shit around in the orange plastic sack:

I saw you again today in the neighborhood. You look like a friendly old chap. You were, once again, swinging around said bag of shit. You looked at me and smiled as I drove by and I realized that one of my judgments was, in fact, incorrect. So I wanted to post a correction.

There is no way you can whistle whilst swinging your shit. Your full set of dentures you wear are approximately 657 times too large. There is absolutely no way one could whistle anything around a grill of that magnitude.

Sorry dude,

Lou

Dear bony-ass bitch who owes me money,

I'm finally sending my bounced paycheck to the Douglas County Attorney's office. I hear that once they process my request, you have 10 days to pay me or else they issue a warrant. Aweosme. Just the thought makes me as happy as a retard in a room full of bouncy balls. I'm not usually filled with this much spite for anyone, but for you I will make an exception.

The thing is that its not really about the money, its a fairly small amount actually. Its the concept of the whole thing and I really just want to cause you a bit of trouble. If it means one less pair of shoes in your closet, then so be it. I would make a comment about hoping to take food off of your table, but everyone knows you are a champion anorexic and you don't eat anyway.

Hoping to see you in an orange jumpsuit someday,

Lou

P.S. Maybe you should stop boinking the married dentist. He's not cute, and he's never going to divorce his wife for you anyway, fatty.

Dear Chelsea Handler,

How I love thee. Let me count the ways.

1.)
bend over and grab your ankles.

2.) Your book: My Horizontal Life: A collection of one night stands.
I think I pee a little every time I reach for this literary wonder.

3.) Your upcoming book: Vodka, are you there? It's me, Chelsea.
I will be waiting outside of Barnes and Noble for this one.

4.)
LOVES it

5.) You are my favorite Jew.

6.) You are a very committed alcoholic. I can appreciate that.

Loving you more than life,

Lou

Random thoughts for today...

Dear neighbor of mine who walks his dog and carries its shit in an orange plastic sack,

Thats f-ing nasty homes. Whats even worse is that you swing it around while you walk. You seem to be so happy to be carrying that bag of shit around and following your ugly dog that I bet you were whistling too. And you walked behind my car as I was trying to pull out of my driveway.

Your life would have been better had I hit you,

Lou

Long time, no write

Its been quite awhile. Ok, its been over 3 months. Sorry. I don't think there's many that ever read this anyway. Quick update...school still keeps me busy. Busier than ever before. But here's some of what I've been up to:

http://www.unomaha.edu/broadcas/brctjrnfall07/carsey.php

Don't make fun. This was my first semester with an EFP camera. No laughing.

I also went to Dallas at the beginning of the month for a short trip. That was fun.

Thanksgiving was great. I did more cooking than ever before. After all that cooking I don't believe that he has the right to ask the question, "What's for dinner?" until at least January.

I noticed a new patch of gray hair yesterday. Must call Kylie for an appointment....

That's it for the moment. here's some pics to illustrate the last couple of months. enjoy.

To dream....

It seems I have been having a lot of dreams lately. Not dreams as in hopes and goals, but dreams when I am sleeping. Wierd dreams. Dreams that when I wake up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, I think to myself, WTF? Did I eat something wierd before I went to sleep? (I have noticed that if I partake in a treat from Taco Bell before bedtime, crazy dreams ensue.) What causes a person to dream, and what the hell do they mean? I will describe bits and pieces of my dreams last night (there were a lot of them) and maybe you can help me. They are in no specific order, as my dreams are more often than not "out of order". Here goes.

I went to London with the International Communication class. I took the trip at the end of the semester, but I did not take the formal class. I can't remember who all was on the trip, but Dierdre was with me (she is my massage therapist and we worked at the salon together). We had decided to go to Italy as well while we were in Europe. I was very very excited to be trotting around the globe, but felt underprepared. I had packed poorly, and did not bring enough underwear, or my pepto bismol. I only had $120 dollars with me, and I was to be gone for almost 3 weeks! But not to worry, my parents showed up at the airport in England and brought me about $1000. Said it was a gift, and have fun. I asked them why they came all the way to London to bring me money, they said they forgot to give it to me before I left. It was in 8 small manilla envelopes, and 2 white envelopes. The told me that one of the white envelopes had come in the mail for me. I opened it and it was a letter from Von Maur. They said that they over-deducted my taxes two years ago, and $80 was what they owed me. Bastards.

We left the airport, and I seperated from the group for a project I had to work on. I went to a local farm where they were having trouble with their pumpkin crop. The pumpkins were getting abnormally large, but rotting on the vine. The vines were EXTREMELY oversized, and there were little to no leaves on most of them. I took pictures of all this. Then I drank some orange juice, they had a lot of it there, and left.

Then Matt appeared for a bit, and I will skip to the next part.

The next thing I remember was that I came upon this GINORMOUS tree in a prarie. It looked like a tree that came out of the Amazon, because it had huge vines growing out of the top of it. There was a small beehive and a couple bees in it. I looked toward the top and saw a family of sloths hanging on the vines, they were green and covered with a moss of some type. I studied the tree for awhile, decided I liked it, then decided to come back the next day. When I returned the next day, the tree was gone, uprooted, removed. There was one lonely sloth sitting where the tree had been. I asked him what happened, and he said that someone had chopped it down and he was now homeless (I'm crazy, who else has talking sloths in their dreams?). I said I would help him find a new home, so i picked him up by his long black claws, and we went searching for a new tree.

We searched and searched and searched. We tried out half a dozen different trees, but none of them were right, they weren't large enough, or their vines weren't strong enough, and so on and so on....

The sloth and I returned to the spot where the tree had been. There was a lady there, I asked here where the tree had gone. She told me that she had it chopped down, because it was dying. I yelled and screamed at her, " but where are the sloths going to live?" She didn't seem to care, and it made me extremely angry and upset.

That's all I really remember. Crazy, huh.

I do have a dream book. But where do I begin? according to the book...

• Dreaming about traveling signifies profit and pleasure combined. (hmmm, doesn't sound too bad)


• To dream about finding money, denotes small worries, but much happiness. Changes will follow.


• Envelopes seen in a dream , omens news of a sorrowful cast. (doh!)


• To take a picture, denotes that you will engage in some unremunerative enterprise. (what?)


• To dream of trees in new foliage, foretells a happy consummation of hopes and desires. Dead trees signal sorrow and loss. (hmmm....)


• To dreams of vines (they appeared twice in this dream), is propitious of success and happiness.


• Bees signify pleasant and profitable engagements.


• To dream of anger, denotes that some awful trial awaits you. Disappointments in loved ones, and broken ties, or enemies may make new attacks upon your property or character. (good thing I don't have many enemies!)

I found no mention in my boook of pumpkins, orange juice or sloths. Bummer.

I am left with no clue as to what this all means. Maybe dream interpretation is a bunch of bologna. Thanks for nothing Freud.

Maybe I shouldn't have eaten those cashews before I went to bed......

Why is it, that every summer when August begins to rear its ugly face....I feel like I have nothing to show for the summer thus far. Last year was exactly the same...and the tear before, and the year before that, etc.... Accomplishments this summer thus far....I took 3 summer classes, and received A+s in each, went to St. Louis and toured the Budweiser Brewery, watched a handful of friends get married, watched a couple of friends have babies, worked a couple of Lauder events, worked a few Royals games, went to Bennington Daze, buried my grandfather, finished the Summer mini-tour at Old-Chicago, and am buying a new house. But I don't really feel a sense of accomplishment from any of it.

Maybe I will start focusing on next summer. Maybe I will plan as many things as I possibly can for next year. That way I can have an amazing summer before getting a real-world job; but after finishing school.

Hmmmm.....I love planning.

New things....

I have two new things to share.......

1.) My new MacBook Pro is on its way. get excited! I got a free nano with it as well. Shibby.

2.) I got a new gig for 3 days this summer. There's this show coming to town, maybe you have heard of it....they needed a production assistant while they are in Omaha, and well.....



that's right.

Goodbye Gramps

The cancer came quickly. We found out in the middle of May, and by June 24th he was gone. I suppose in most people's eyes, that's not a very long time to "suffer" from cancer. but my family and I beg to differ. Watching someone die of cancer is the most horrible thing I have ever been through, and I have done it twice this year. Needless to say, I don't care to do it ever again. I'll have to say though, I think my family did really well. We came out knowing that death is a part of life. It's going to happen sooner or later, and as long as one is prepared, there is no fear in it.

We have plenty of good memories to cling to. Times when Grandpa put on a funny hat to make us laugh, or took us out for ice-cream, or, for his granddaughters, when he reminded us of how beautiful he thought we were. I choose to remember those moments, above all.

His funeral was yesterday, at 11 in the morning. Grandpa had been a proud NAVY man. He had enlisted when he was 21, and served in the Phillipines during the Korean War. He was in the construction brigade, they called themselves the Seabees. I sat in my seat, in the front row and listened to the soloist sing the NAVY Hymn. Then I watched closely as the Color Guard marched up the aisle and carefully folded the American Flag that had been placed over his closed casket. The tears welled up in my eyes as they did so. They did not spill over until the soldiers turned, presented my Grandmother with the flag, and saluted her. As she stared at the neatly folded flag in her lap, I noticed how tired she looked, and I cried for her. The tears spilled over, and my family and I mourned together in that moment. There was not a dry eye to be found. As I watched my grandmother hold my grandfather's flag, Taps began to play, the military's call to "Exstinguish Lights". As the soldier spoke the call, "All is well, " I believed that it would be. Eventually, just not today.

These are a few....

...of my favorite things. In no particular order. I've been told that a person can, in fact, have too much of a good thing. But just how much is too much? For some reason, I CAN NOT get enough of these this summer thus far.

I guess I also shouldn't complain about the fact that I cannot seem to lose any weight lately either. But its summer time, and a girl's gonna do what a girl's gonna do. Henry David Thoreau says its ok.

Live each season as it passes; breathe the air, drink the drink, taste the fruit, and resign yourself to the influences of each.

Thanks Henry, I needed some assurance.

Fun with the Cuz

I went to KC this weekend. Had a great time seeing Mom and Dad, and was lucky to get to spend some time with my cousin Erin. I don't get to see as much of her as I would like. She took me to a wonderful sushi dinner at a new place in downtown KC. It was wonderful. They served wasabi deviled eggs. Delicious.

Then we went walking around. We happened upon a street dance/beer garden/people watching extravaganza for Kansas City's Gay Pride Week. Very interesting. I only counted three mesh shirts, so I was a little disappointed in that aspect, but I did get to see a 7 foot tall drag queen. It was one of the highlights of my day.

After partying with the gays for awhile, we went to Christopher Elbow's new shop. Erin hadn't checked it out yet, and I had not partaken in a delectable treat of Chris' in quite some time. I was elated to go. If you have never enjoyed his chocolates, you can order some here:

http://www.elbowchocolates.com/

If you have the means, I highly recommend picking some up. He makes a caramel/sea salt one that is my absolute fave. Then, $8 worth of chocolate later, we walked back to our car in the rain. Very fun evening.

The next day I mostly just hung out with mom. Then we made dinner; salmon on the grill, and whole wheat pasta with a vodka cream sauce. Wonderful. We almost singed our eyebrows off on the grill though. Nasty.

Then on sunday, I got up and went to church with Mom and Dad, then we went to Parkville for brunch at a French Restaurant, Cafe de Amis. It was wonderful, and we had a cute little french waiter. :)

All in all, I guess I mostly did A LOT of eating. Darn it. Oh well. Thanks to the fam for a wonderful weekend!!

Summer time, and the livin's easy

Summer quickly approaches. I consider it to be officially summer, as most people do, after Memorial Day.

Time for Pina Coladas by the pool, swim suits hanging up to dry in my shower, and the CWS.

Time for less makeup, more sunscreen, and a larger quantity of blonde highlights.

Here's to summer, and the reasons I love it!

sun . water . vacations . hot dogs on the grill . parties with friends . beer on the patio at night . Baseball season . the CWS . outdoor concerts . patio seating . road trips . Bennington Daze . parades . driving with the sunroof open . ice cream . going to the pool . pedicures . sangria . movies . thunderstorms . golf tournaments . random marketing/promotions jobs .