My new Honey's

It is my friend Kayla's job to make sure that my ass looks good in my jeans. She has gone shopping with me many a time, and has witnessed the screams of utter frustration that bellow out of my dressing room. I have an ass that is a little on the larger side, and have a hard time finding jeans that fit. Time after time I have come out of the dreaded dressing room with a look of disgust on my face. Kayla just looks at me and shakes her head, then motions for me to turn my ass around and go back in from whence I came. She has made me leave the GAP on numerous occasions, empty-handed, because she has refused to let me buy their denim. (It does have a tendancy to gap in the back, or make my crotch look saggy.)

The previous is problem #1. Problem #2 for me is that I have champagne taste, but am on a beer budget. I would be completely disowned if I walked through the door with a pair of jeans costing over 85 dollars.

I have, however found that Joe's jeans have a style that actually fit my round posterior. They are called the "HONEY [n:booty fit]" and I'm a lovin every inch of their expensive denim. The tag describes them as the following:

"CURVY, voluptuous and sexy are just a few ways to describe this silhouette's show-stopping effect. Fitted at the waistand contoured for the ultra feminine PHYSIQUE. Voluptuous never had it so good." In my opinion, it might as well say, "HONEY, your ass is so big you can't fit into anything at Hollister or Abercrombie anymore. So until you learn how to lay off the beer and ice-cream, and exercise on a regular basis, you NEED me to make you feel good about yourself." Either way, I would end up with them in my closet.

This is where Kayla comes in handy. She works in Von Maur, in the department that sells the aforementioned jeans (LUCKY!). She watches the sales rack for me, and calls me the second that they are cheap enough for me to get away with buying.

Then she has them altered for me (because I am short, and EVERYTHING needs to be hemmed). In fact, I just brought home a pair today...they are a size smaller than my last pair purchased, but I have been promised that they will stretch to my liking. I can zip the suckers up, but I feel a bit sausage-esque. So either they stretch out, or I need to lose at least 5 lbs. Either way, a win-win when you consider that I got them for $45 (including alterations), when they are usually $145 jeans. Keep them coming girlfriend...because I TOTALLY ripped the crotch out of my last pair on Saturday night when we were out. I had to go home and cry myself to sleep, the whole time rocking back and forth, and trying to go to my "happy place".

So, Kayla, "THANK YOU!" from the bottom of my heart, from my ass, from my wallet, and all the onlookers who notice how luscious my ass looks in these wonders of modern stichery. Here's a pic...

And "NO" I did not authorize their website to use my picture. Jerks.