Hunka Hunka Burnin Love!

That's right ladies and gentlemen. Danelle and I were guest judges this weekend at Horseshoe Casino's Elvisfest 2008. We judged the 12th Annual Images of the King contest and it was AWESOME! Danelle took the videos and pics, as I was apparently way too lazy to get my camera out.




The performers were actually VERY talented. We were surprised to be honest, I mean, c'mon folks, this is Council Bluffs we are talking about. I sometimes feel like I lose an I.Q. point or two every time I step over the river.

There was quite an assortment of Elvi (I'm using this as a term for multiple Elvis'). Young Elvis, 1970's Elvis, Hula Elvis, Black Elvis and Asian Elvis. They were some swell dudes, and I might just head back to Elvisfest next year.

K-Mart sucks Ray.

So, being off work by 8:30 am is great, really. I come home, have a bite to eat, take a nap, perfect, right? Plenty of time to get things done, spend the day how I choose. WRONG. Plenty of time to sit around and do NOTHING. ALL DAY. The laundry's done, the house is clean, dinner prep is finished...what's a girl to do? I'm even getting bored with MySpace and Facebook and I never thought that would happen. Some days I bake:Most days I read. I am currently close to finishing up another great Jane Austen Novel. I do laundry, I clean, but I didn't really notice a problem until I caught myself watching:
And I want to f*ing kill myself. Usually, shows of this nature make me feel really good about myself and my life situation. You know, the way you feel after watching COPS and finishing an entire bag of puffy cheetos. But lately, this is sadly not the case. Because of my horrendous schedule, I don't get to watch GOOD programming, I get stuck watching ghetto trash fight in a courtroom over $243 dollars because Tonya didn't pay Jim for that secondhand washing machine. It makes me want to cut myself.

I have plenty of friends to hang out with, but unfortunately, most of them are what I like to call REAL adults, and actually are at work during NORMAL BUSINESS HOURS. Here's how the conversation usually goes:
Me: "Wanna go to the pool? Oh, I see, you're working."
"Let's go see a movie! Oh, you're in what? A meeting? Ok then."
"Do I want to go to Jazz on the Green tonight instead? HECK YES I DO! Oh wait, I have to work tomorrow morning at 4:30 am, so Jazz on the Green would keep me out WAY past my bedtime. Somebody shoot me now. Before I become like Rainman and every activity revolves around "Wapner at 4". You'll know I am about to cross the line when I start buying my underwear at K-Mart.

I've always wanted one this big...

It was everything I had hoped it would be.

Trashy, just like hot garbage juice.

A fun time was had by all at the Carsey trailer court this past weekend. There was plenty of Schlitz, twinkies, cheese balls, a spiked watermelon and spam on the grill. Josh and Joel made a rope swing for the tree, and there was plenty of hick music and ac/dc. Things got kinda crazy, and I spent the next morning picking beer cans out of our fence, emptying the pools, and getting the lawn chair out of my tree.

Thanks Joel, you truly were the life of the party. Except next time, you are not allowed to throw things...such as:

Chairs into the trees, SPAM onto my roof, watermelon rinds onto my roof, watermelon at Kayla's face, or beer bottles in general.

I think if your wife is in attendance next time, she will keep your ass in line. However, I loved every second of your crazy antics. Especially when you and Kyle danced like Party Boy. You know that's my favorite.

Shakespeare on the Green

On Thursday night, Kathy and I went to see King Lear at Omaha's Shakespeare on the Green Festival. The weather was gorgeous. 75 degrees, slight breeze, and not a cloud in the sky. We arrived at about 6:30 pm, found a spot for our blanket and chairs, and cracked open our bottle of wine. The show didn't start till 8, but we were hungry and thirsty. By the time the show started at 8, our wine was almost gone, and we were done eating. With our bellies full of cheese, crackers and black bean salsa, we began to watch. We read the synopsis...neither of us had seen this particular play before. Approximately 5 minutes before intermission, Kathy leans over to me and asks, "are you following any of this?" I couldn't lie, I had been too busy people watching, and had not, in fact, been following along.

We left at half-time...errr...i mean, intermission. So much for Shakespeare. Ooops. Guess I'm not as much of a Shakespeare fan as I thought I was (and I didn't consider myself much of a fan to begin with). A good time was had though, despite the fact that we left early.

On a side note...at one point in the play, King Lear seemed to be chastising one of his daughters, Goneril. He accused her of being all sorts of things...and went on for what seemed like 10 full minutes. Wouldn't it just be easier, and funnier, if he just looked and her and said, in his mighty royal voice, "Goneril, you's a bitch!" I think so. Of course, in her defense, if my father gave me a name that sounded like an STD, I'd be a bitch too.

Best press release EVER written

I got this release his morning at work. It made me laugh. Why can't all press releases start out this way? At least I would know immediately what to expect...