Happy #2 Margie!

To begin, I would like to start by saying, "Happy Birthday" to my little cousin Margie. You are now 2 years old, and your cupcake diva party was a blast. Matt was very happy with it, in fact. Miller Lite, cupcakes, and your brother Ben's pint sized golf club set. He could not have been happier.I did watch you drop your cupcake (frosting side down) twice. But that's ok, its your birthday, and there were plenty more for you to have.

So, in conclusion, may the rest of your toddler years be bright and cupcake filled. May you aim to be as carefree as you are now....and don't let anybody tell you that running around your lawn in a lavender skirted swimsuit with a frosting-covered face is unladylike. As sure as the day is long, they will tell you that once you hit the age of 25. I know it has happened to me on more than one occasion.

A promise and a commitment

I have been lazy the last 2 weeks. And by lazy, I mean completely uncaring as to how I spend most of my day. In fact, during the last few weeks, this has been my daily agenda:

-Wake up at 2:45am and ready myself for work.
-Arrive to work at 4:30 am, work until 8:30.
-Home by 9 am, prepare something to eat.
-check e-mail/myspace/facebook/blogs i adore.
-NAPTIME (this time varies depending on the day, and the amount of sleep I got the night before. It can be as short as 45 minutes...or as long as 2.5 hours)
-wake up from glorious fulfilling nap, once again check myspace/facebook just to see if I have missed anything.
-waste a few hours...they just disappear.
-go to Happy hour with friends.


That's it. Really. I was sooo looking forward to this while I was still in school. And it has been somewhat fulfilling, but I am getting bored with it already. Maybe its because the pool is not ready yet (or the fact that my body is not ready for the pool). That will occupy more of my time in the weeks to come, and I am wholeheartedly looking forward to it.

So, I am committing myself to blogging, yes, blogging. I have been meaning to do it more over the last few months, and I never got around to it. I have had so much material that I could blog about, and have done nothing with it. So...here and now, I pledge to myself, and my few readers (mainly Danelle and my cousin Heidi), that I will blog on a more regular basis.

May the Blogging begin!

Dear life,

I know you will stop sucking once school is over. I just know it. Until then....you suck balls. Big time. Big balls.

More posts to come once school is out.

14 more days and a wake up...you can't come soon enough,

Lou

Dear drinking-in-the-afternoon self:

You are both a blessing and a curse. Needless to say that it is very fun to start drinking as early as possible, and have all day to do it. There's nothing like meeting friends at a bar before 4:00, and not stopping till 12:30 the next morning. You need to do this more often throughout the year. I have already decided this for you. However, responsible-you-work-the-next-day self thinks you are an idiot. I wish the two of you could reconcile and get along better. You share the same body for crying out loud! Learn to co-exist! Isn't there a happy medium that the two of you could agree on? I would really appreciate it if the both of you could just chat and hug it out. I've arranged a time for you to sit and discuss it over drinks. Say, 4:00 pm. today. at the bar.

Maybe you can talk about getting rid of dizzy-hungover self altogether. That would be great.

late,

Lou

Dear Bud TV,

Please let me work for you someday.



Loves it.

2 weeks . sorry .

I have been a busy girl. I'm too tired to be funny. So, I'll make this quick and be back soon with the funny. Right now I am so tired all i want is a date with my pillow. Getting up at 3:30 for the basically the last 8 days is starting to wear on me. So, updates!

New job. Traffic Reporter at KETV. dig.

Finally got my money from the skinny bitch, via the Douglas County Attorney's office. bonus.

Graduation is in 2 months, and I got the itis. bad.

I go to see Mamma Mia tomorrow evening. thanks Bam.

life is good...except the getting up early part. and the school part.

out.

So Long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, good night....

The Nebraska Supreme Court has ruled you "cruel and unusual punishment". But don't worry, we're still tight. I believe Te-has is the only state in which you still reside. Bust.

So long Sparky. Here's to hoping they don't chop you up for firewood...

Is it sad that...

...my day peaked at 8:45 this morning?

Allow me to elaborate. I live on a street that has a nice curve to it. It was foggy/drizzle-y last night. Now, you may think that the previous 2 sentences do not belong together. But....drizzle-y weather and temps around the freezing point make for a very slick side street. This situation gets even better when said side street is curvy. I spent about 15 minutes this morning watching boneheads go too fast down my street. I watched as the tires locked up on sedans, coupes and trucks. I watched as car after car slid into the curb, into my neighbors yards, knocked down trash cans, demolished mailboxes and almost hit one another. It was amazing. I laughed until my face hurt, until my stomach ached, and until I ran out of coffee and decided it was time to get ready for school. It was the best morning I've had in awhile.

Its a little foggy and drizzle-y again tonight, and temps are about the same as yesterday. You better believe that when my alarm goes off tomorrow morning my ass will be parked in front of my bay window. I will be in my bathrobe...coffee in hand; hoping and praying to see a similar show.

Hoping my mailbox is lucky enough to be missed again tomorrow,

Lou

Dear left boob,

I am sorry I put you in harm's way yesterday afternoon. I sincerely regret having you accidentally gouged while on the job. Believe me when I say that I would never have tried to lift that heavy set wall had I known the pain that would ensue. I promise to never again come that close to the ginormous screw that emerges from the side of said set wall. I winced in pain when I saw the big purple bruise that now adorns you after yesterdays mishap. This is technically my first "chest wound", which unfortunately, had to involve you. So, once again, sorry for the bruised cleave. Here's to a quick recovery!

Get well soon!

Lou

Dear Winter:

Please go away and leave me be. I am tired of your grey skies, sub-zero temps and frozen precipitation. The hems of my jeans are constantly cold and/or wet, and I am extrememly tired of bundling up like an eskimo every time a step outside. I hate that you tease me with a 50 degree day thats cloudy, then an 8 degree day with sun. Make up your mind, don't play with my emotions, its not very nice. I am thinking about not inviting you back next year. Summer, I am longing for warmer temps and sunshine, and my flip flops are more than eager to come out of hybernation. Hurry, please!

without hope or agenda,

Linsey

Oh g-ma....

This weekend was fun. Mom and G-ma came to visit...some of the highlights...

2 great lunches
driving G-ma's new car, and trying to teach her what all the buttons do
Spice shopping at Penzey's
buying a new coffee mug at World Market
Mom getting pink hair

It really was a decent weekend....and I didn't get the obligatory guilt trip from grams....bonus.

For Christmas, Grandma gave me a book of my great g-ma's poems. Possibly the best gift she's ever given me. So much better than ugly slippers and itchy wool sweaters. Here's the one that grandma Melba wrote about me in 1982:

Linsey is a lollipop girl,
These sweets are hard to find
Quicksilver are her dancing feet,
Flitting butterflies, her mind.

Liquid joy, her lilting laughter,
Brown eyes full of sweet surprise.
Grown-ups find her captivating,
Little Linsey is a prize.

When our hearts are sad and weary
And our days are long and blue,
We'll just think of our sweet Linsey
And the smiles will lollipop through.

like, omg! you know?

I mourn for this nation's youth. I am in complete and udder shock sometimes at the absolute bullshit that spews from their mouths when they think they are trying to have an adult conversation. Not only is their speech atrocious and their line of thinking completely self centered; they have no idea about the world which surrounds them. They are completely unable to carry on an intelligent conversation, or, ANY conversation for that matter, without using the following:

like
you know?
i mean...
oh my god

For instance...here's a short excerpt from a "conversation" (if you can call it that) I had today with a particularly child-like acquaintance of mine from school.

Her: "I like Europe. It's not like, shitty. Like it is over here, you know?"
Me: "I have to go to the bathroom."

I did, in fact, have to make use of the loo. Even if I had not needed to, however, I still would have gotten up and physically left this conversation. I could cut her down to shreds and ramble on about her lack of intelligence, but I will not. I think that most of you get my gist.

I will add one more thing. She smells bad too. Sorry, that was a little petty of me. But for reals yo, homegirl needs to wash her shit cuz it be stankin.

To the girl I smacked with the door today:

Me: Exiting the auditorium in EAB
You: Walking in the hallway outside, in close (very close) proximity to the door from which I was making said exit.

You are an idiot. I said I was sorry, but really I'm not. It was the best laugh I had all day to be perfectly honest. The door (which is somewhat camouflaged) swings out to open. I actually didn't smack you with it. I opened it and watched you run right into the effing thing. You were too busy talking or texting to notice the 6 ft x 3 ft wooden wall that suddenly appeared 12 inches from your face. I suppose I could have saved you from your obvious embarrassment, but I truly don't think there was time. I laughed at you, your friend laughed at you, and I believe that you laughed at yourself. I'm pretty sure that the only thing hurt was your self confidence. Either way, it was absolutely hilarious.

Thanks for the giggles,

Lou

Dear Nevada, Utah and Arizona,

I can't wait to see you. Nevada and Arizona.....its been awhile my friends. I am finally giving in to your begging, "Come visit me! I never get to see you!" Ok, ok! I'll be there in May! Utah, you are new. I have not had the pleasure of meeting you before, but I hear that you have much in store for me. And when I say "much in store" I do NOT mean another husband and a few "sister wives". In fact, I think I would make a terrible mormon, so don't try to convert me whilst I am there. At least as a Christian I can have stimulants and booze. Yay Jebus!

Anyways.....I can't wait to see the three of you. Get ready, because Kathy and I are gonna tear shit up. You might have to spend a few days cleaning up after we leave. Make sure that the following are in tip top shape for us:

Zion National Park

Lake Powell

Grand Canyon

Flagstaff/Sedona
The Strip

Oh, and can you make sure the weather is nice for us? Sunshine would be nice for all the hiking/biking/boating/rafting/driving/hanging out we are gonna do. Thanks in advance.

Planning on overstaying our welcome already,

Lou

Update!

To the man who carries the dog shit around in the orange plastic sack:

I saw you again today in the neighborhood. You look like a friendly old chap. You were, once again, swinging around said bag of shit. You looked at me and smiled as I drove by and I realized that one of my judgments was, in fact, incorrect. So I wanted to post a correction.

There is no way you can whistle whilst swinging your shit. Your full set of dentures you wear are approximately 657 times too large. There is absolutely no way one could whistle anything around a grill of that magnitude.

Sorry dude,

Lou

Dear bony-ass bitch who owes me money,

I'm finally sending my bounced paycheck to the Douglas County Attorney's office. I hear that once they process my request, you have 10 days to pay me or else they issue a warrant. Aweosme. Just the thought makes me as happy as a retard in a room full of bouncy balls. I'm not usually filled with this much spite for anyone, but for you I will make an exception.

The thing is that its not really about the money, its a fairly small amount actually. Its the concept of the whole thing and I really just want to cause you a bit of trouble. If it means one less pair of shoes in your closet, then so be it. I would make a comment about hoping to take food off of your table, but everyone knows you are a champion anorexic and you don't eat anyway.

Hoping to see you in an orange jumpsuit someday,

Lou

P.S. Maybe you should stop boinking the married dentist. He's not cute, and he's never going to divorce his wife for you anyway, fatty.

Dear Chelsea Handler,

How I love thee. Let me count the ways.

1.)
bend over and grab your ankles.

2.) Your book: My Horizontal Life: A collection of one night stands.
I think I pee a little every time I reach for this literary wonder.

3.) Your upcoming book: Vodka, are you there? It's me, Chelsea.
I will be waiting outside of Barnes and Noble for this one.

4.)
LOVES it

5.) You are my favorite Jew.

6.) You are a very committed alcoholic. I can appreciate that.

Loving you more than life,

Lou

Random thoughts for today...

Dear neighbor of mine who walks his dog and carries its shit in an orange plastic sack,

Thats f-ing nasty homes. Whats even worse is that you swing it around while you walk. You seem to be so happy to be carrying that bag of shit around and following your ugly dog that I bet you were whistling too. And you walked behind my car as I was trying to pull out of my driveway.

Your life would have been better had I hit you,

Lou

Long time, no write

Its been quite awhile. Ok, its been over 3 months. Sorry. I don't think there's many that ever read this anyway. Quick update...school still keeps me busy. Busier than ever before. But here's some of what I've been up to:

http://www.unomaha.edu/broadcas/brctjrnfall07/carsey.php

Don't make fun. This was my first semester with an EFP camera. No laughing.

I also went to Dallas at the beginning of the month for a short trip. That was fun.

Thanksgiving was great. I did more cooking than ever before. After all that cooking I don't believe that he has the right to ask the question, "What's for dinner?" until at least January.

I noticed a new patch of gray hair yesterday. Must call Kylie for an appointment....

That's it for the moment. here's some pics to illustrate the last couple of months. enjoy.

To dream....

It seems I have been having a lot of dreams lately. Not dreams as in hopes and goals, but dreams when I am sleeping. Wierd dreams. Dreams that when I wake up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, I think to myself, WTF? Did I eat something wierd before I went to sleep? (I have noticed that if I partake in a treat from Taco Bell before bedtime, crazy dreams ensue.) What causes a person to dream, and what the hell do they mean? I will describe bits and pieces of my dreams last night (there were a lot of them) and maybe you can help me. They are in no specific order, as my dreams are more often than not "out of order". Here goes.

I went to London with the International Communication class. I took the trip at the end of the semester, but I did not take the formal class. I can't remember who all was on the trip, but Dierdre was with me (she is my massage therapist and we worked at the salon together). We had decided to go to Italy as well while we were in Europe. I was very very excited to be trotting around the globe, but felt underprepared. I had packed poorly, and did not bring enough underwear, or my pepto bismol. I only had $120 dollars with me, and I was to be gone for almost 3 weeks! But not to worry, my parents showed up at the airport in England and brought me about $1000. Said it was a gift, and have fun. I asked them why they came all the way to London to bring me money, they said they forgot to give it to me before I left. It was in 8 small manilla envelopes, and 2 white envelopes. The told me that one of the white envelopes had come in the mail for me. I opened it and it was a letter from Von Maur. They said that they over-deducted my taxes two years ago, and $80 was what they owed me. Bastards.

We left the airport, and I seperated from the group for a project I had to work on. I went to a local farm where they were having trouble with their pumpkin crop. The pumpkins were getting abnormally large, but rotting on the vine. The vines were EXTREMELY oversized, and there were little to no leaves on most of them. I took pictures of all this. Then I drank some orange juice, they had a lot of it there, and left.

Then Matt appeared for a bit, and I will skip to the next part.

The next thing I remember was that I came upon this GINORMOUS tree in a prarie. It looked like a tree that came out of the Amazon, because it had huge vines growing out of the top of it. There was a small beehive and a couple bees in it. I looked toward the top and saw a family of sloths hanging on the vines, they were green and covered with a moss of some type. I studied the tree for awhile, decided I liked it, then decided to come back the next day. When I returned the next day, the tree was gone, uprooted, removed. There was one lonely sloth sitting where the tree had been. I asked him what happened, and he said that someone had chopped it down and he was now homeless (I'm crazy, who else has talking sloths in their dreams?). I said I would help him find a new home, so i picked him up by his long black claws, and we went searching for a new tree.

We searched and searched and searched. We tried out half a dozen different trees, but none of them were right, they weren't large enough, or their vines weren't strong enough, and so on and so on....

The sloth and I returned to the spot where the tree had been. There was a lady there, I asked here where the tree had gone. She told me that she had it chopped down, because it was dying. I yelled and screamed at her, " but where are the sloths going to live?" She didn't seem to care, and it made me extremely angry and upset.

That's all I really remember. Crazy, huh.

I do have a dream book. But where do I begin? according to the book...

• Dreaming about traveling signifies profit and pleasure combined. (hmmm, doesn't sound too bad)


• To dream about finding money, denotes small worries, but much happiness. Changes will follow.


• Envelopes seen in a dream , omens news of a sorrowful cast. (doh!)


• To take a picture, denotes that you will engage in some unremunerative enterprise. (what?)


• To dream of trees in new foliage, foretells a happy consummation of hopes and desires. Dead trees signal sorrow and loss. (hmmm....)


• To dreams of vines (they appeared twice in this dream), is propitious of success and happiness.


• Bees signify pleasant and profitable engagements.


• To dream of anger, denotes that some awful trial awaits you. Disappointments in loved ones, and broken ties, or enemies may make new attacks upon your property or character. (good thing I don't have many enemies!)

I found no mention in my boook of pumpkins, orange juice or sloths. Bummer.

I am left with no clue as to what this all means. Maybe dream interpretation is a bunch of bologna. Thanks for nothing Freud.

Maybe I shouldn't have eaten those cashews before I went to bed......